


spin with me, endlessly

by zugzwang



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Fluff, Introspection, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-06-10 17:35:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15296583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zugzwang/pseuds/zugzwang
Summary: dan and phil: a contemplation of fate.





	spin with me, endlessly

**Author's Note:**

> title from "please never fall in love again" by ollie mn

“You know,” Dan starts, sitting up and moving his head from its place on Phil’s lap to reposition it on his shoulder. The two are curled together on the sofa, taking a well-deserved break from a long day of emails and phone calls. “Sometimes I wonder where we would be if we’d never met.” Queer Eye plays on quietly in the background. Antoni is teaching someone how to make a salad. Phil tilts his head, but says nothing. Dan continues. “Like, would I have even dropped out of uni? Do you think I’d be a miserable lawyer trapped in an even worse marriage, still waiting for my life to begin?” Phil smiles a little.

“Is that even possible?” Dan scrunches his eyebrows, so he clarifies. “Us, I mean. Never having met. Part of me feels like we’re stuck with each other no matter what. The red string of fate and all that jazz. No matter in what universe or what life we’re always destined to be bound together. I don’t know. Sometimes I believe it.” Dan’s lip curls upward a bit as he picks at a loose thread on Phil’s joggers.

“I mean - and I’m sure you’re _totally_ surprised that I’m sticking to my cynical branding here - but I think, personally, it’s easier for me to believe in luck. Or choice. I don’t know. Either way, I’m here with you now, and it’s nice for me to think that we did this for ourselves. That this life is ours and nobody else’s. That we built our own story from the ground up.”

 

**_rewind_**  

 

The first thing Phil notices about the station is how busy it is. His surroundings seem a lot like a physical manifestation of how he feels on the inside. A steady hum of anxiety had made itself at home in Phil’s chest and he still feels it now as he waits for Dan’s train. Or what he hopes is Dan’s train, because  _Dan could’ve been lying to him and he might not really be coming or maybe he’s not who he says he is or-_ Phil stops himself. _Relax,_ he thinks. _You’ve spent hundreds of hours on Skype. You know Dan better than anyone. He's coming. Faith. Have faith._ And so he does.

He straightens himself up and when he can’t find anything better to do with his hands he settles on fiddling with the zipper of his windbreaker. His phone buzzes with a text from Dan exclaiming **anytime now!! :D** , and sure enough, a train pulls into the station within minutes.

Phil’s sure his heart might explode out of his chest and drop onto the ground for everyone around him to see as he watches strangers step off the train. He focuses on a single familiar face in the crowd, dark eyes searching and unsure. Phil’s breath catches in this throat. The eyes meet his and every nerve in his body burns hot. _Phil,_ he sees Dan mouth, and time freezes.

 

_**fast forward** _

 

It’s cold and dark, and they’re lying side by side in the snow. The stars shine brightly above them and silence drapes itself over the pair like a comfortable blanket. Phil looks across at Dan. He can barely make out the younger boy’s features but his heart swells nonetheless. Everything about Dan is always butterflies in his stomach and tidal waves in his head. He thinks about the day they first met, about the week at his house and their Starbucks and the ferris wheel. He thinks about Dan, his single dimple, the tiny freckles that dust his cheeks, the shine in his eyes when he talks about something he loves. When he talks about Phil.  _I love him_ , Phil thinks, and _oh god_ , he _loves him_.

He shoots up suddenly, disturbing the silence and startling Dan. “Dan?” The other boy rises from his place on the ground and a look of confusion washes over him. 

“Yeah? Everything okay?” Phil glances up at the stars. In that moment, sandwiched between a shining sky and a shining ground, he swears he feels something push. It reaches into his mouth, coats his throat with sweetness. 

_Is this what destiny feels like?_  

“I love you”, Phil says quietly, and it’s easy. Easy like buying Dan coffee or kissing him on a ferris wheel or looking at the stars. In the dark he feels Dan smile and the cold snow around him is nothing in comparison to the warmth he feels inside. Phil buzzes with the finality of it all. In that moment, he knows Dan is it for him. This is his forever. 

“I love you too, you absolute idiot. More than I’ve ever loved anyone. Any _thing_ , probably.” Phil smirks.  

“Even chocolates? Or video games?”  

“Oi, watch it Lester. You’re treading in dangerous territory now.” There’s a playful bite to his voice, and as the pair begin to stand Phil thinks that forever sounds pretty okay to him.

 

**_fast forward_ **

 

He gets up to turn the television off as their episode comes to an end. 

“You know,” Phil says, pulling a yawning Dan to his feet. “I think you’re right.” He wraps his arms around the younger man’s waist and they stay like that for a moment, sharing in each other’s warmth.  

“Hmm?” Dan rubs his face. “‘m sure I am, whatever it is you’re talking about.” Phil rolls his eyes.

_Cocky son of a bitch. And to think he's about to get sappy with him, too._

“I _mean_ , about what you said earlier. Us building this ourselves, or whatever.” He gestures vaguely to the room around them. Dan smiles sleepily. 

“What happened to the red string of fate, hmm? You change your mind that easily, Lester?” They start to make their way to the bedroom, bumping shoulders as they go.

“I don’t know, not necessarily. I guess - I guess what I’m saying is that none of that really matters. It’s not about why we met, you know? Who cares if it was fate, or chance, or some other strange force pushing us together. What’s important is that I get to live my life like this, with you always here beside me. Nothing else matters. I could wake up one morning with a red string coming from my chest attaching me to yours-“ Dan wrinkles his nose. “No, shut up, it’s a metaphor, anyway I could wake up like that and nothing would change. It doesn’t matter if the universe or anyone or any _thing_ else thinks we’re right because this is right - or at least I hope it’s right - for you, and it’s right for me. So, _so_ right. So yeah, it’s not important, what I believe. I just know that I wouldn’t change a single moment from the day we met until now. You’re my past and present _and_ future and I love you.” 

They stop in front of the door to the bedroom and Dan’s eyes shine a little in the dim light of the hallway.

_Freaking galaxies_ , Phil always thinks. _Exactly like the sky from that one night a million years ago_.

“You always get disgustingly soft when you have too much wine.” Dan whispers, a little watery. “I love you too, you dumbass. Crazy beliefs and all.” He opens the door and leads Phil into the darkness of their bedroom.  

And so it’s settled, mostly. Perhaps they don’t know the whole of their story, and they’re not aware of any force that may have pulled them together on that brisk October day, or on any other day in any other life. But they know enough, and they fill in the rest of the holes with love.


End file.
